Thursday, March 31, 2011

Fahamkan Aku...

Tolong terangkan kepadaku.
Kenapa hatiku berdenyut begini.

Berdegup kencang tika kau ada.
Juga tika kau terlintas di bayangan.

Tolong jelaskan padaku.
Kenapa jiwaku ceria begini.

Dalam jagaku, ku tersenyum
Dalam lenaku pun begitu juga.

Tolong cerita padaku.
Kenapa aku seresah ini.

Tertanya-tanya.
Kala tiada khabar.

Tolong bilang padaku.
Adakah ini angkara kamu?

Sometimes...

Sometimes...
Things happen for a reason

Sometimes...
Things happen without you realising it

Sometimes...
You try to plan
But fate and destiny has other arrangements for you

Sometimes...
Your life is in shambles
And everything seems like a huge pile of mess

Sometimes...
You have questions that does not seem answered

Sometimes...
Your mind wonder on the twist and turn of life

Sometimes...
You ask How and Why

Sometimes...
You don't even care

Sometimes...
Life turns out so beautiful
That you get scared

Sometimes...
You feel so blessed
And you don't understand why

Sometimes...
Your heart beats faster than normal

Sometimes...
Life is just a daze

And sometimes
The clouds in the sky opens up
Displaying a ray of gorgeous beaming light

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

A restless night...

Not a lot have been going on this few weeks. Sometimes I am busy with the duties in the conty, and at other times, time just seem to stand still. Things are slowing down these few days, as the FINAL exam emerges from the midst of the end of the semester. I know.. I should be studying, but as all students give the same excuse "The mood to study is not there yet"... Well, I too wanna use the same lame excuse... but seriously, I am not that in the mood lately.. Or maybe it's just today.. since I had rather a sleepless night last night. I'm just a bit tired, but I'm holding on there.

Lately there are these two cats roaming around my house. One is ginger and ruffled, lets call it "Ruffles" and the other is black and white and very adoring, let call it "Manja". I noticed Ruffles first, all shabby and distant. There was something in those mysterious eyes that got me captivated and wanting to know more about it. But, like I mentioned, it kept it's distance away from me, but from time to time, it keep creeping near, and then fled away again. It looks hurt, or maybe shy or just confused. I tried to coax it near, but somehow, the act seems useless as I did not get any reaction and left hoping for something more...

Then there is Manja. Cuddly and fun, Manja seems to edge in near and near as Ruffles fades into the background. Manja is very playful and seems to always be there to entertain and keep me company. In short, Manja is fun to be with and makes me smile. I seem to be spending more and more time with Manja, loving the company, and I see less and less of Ruffles.

I don't know how describe it, but sometimes when I am playing with Manja, I think of Ruffles. I sometimes see Ruffles in the corner of my eyes, when Manja is near. I don't know, just that the occasional 'meow' from Ruffles could get me leaping in joy. It's just that, even how distant Ruffles seems to be with me, it seems quite friendly with the other kids. Maybe it's just me, but then again, maybe Ruffles just like to play hide and seek in the shadows.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

SHE...

Jack of all trades, Master of none

Easily ready to lend a helping hand

Just as she appears, now she is gone

After the job is all well and done.

She works noisily, not putting up with any nonsense

Working in speed, her schedule is packed

But nobody actually notices her presence

She's just a mist, disappearing into non existence.

Always putting others needs before hers

Self sacrificing, she's burnt by her own wick

She looks up to the sky, wondering how and why

Searching for someone who would care

Someone whom she can lean over...

and rest her tired, aching heart.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Mumbles... Grumbles... Stumbles...

Been wondering lately (probably due to current mood swings and lack of rest), I never involve my besties in any of my activities. Well, I do inform them, but somehow, we are friends not through these portfolio. Here's my argument:

1. I am involve with the Counseling Services Centre in IIUM. Granted, I joined way before I met Waji and Miera, and i did try to invite Sofia to join. But in reality, this is my activity which I do alone, with other peer members, but not my besties.

2. Sports. I decided and wanted to do sports because I know I cannot keep still. Granted, Waji do basketball and dancing, but we didn't meet due to this instance either. And neither did anyone came to support my games (yep, had my bluey moments. Of course friends from the hockey team supported me, the boys Din and Zul, and all the other girls. Guess I shouldn't really complain. Even my roommates did not come to watch my final match - guess it was coz of the rain) And when I was in school too, Jme and the rest of the gang were not active on the fields. I was the one who like to play in the rain, getting soaked wet, or running in the middle of the day, getting burnt to crisp.

3. Writing. Granted, Miera and Waji are better writers than I am. Yet, this semester is killing our creative mind. Plus, got acquainted wif Ifran, a writer who actually publish his works. I don't think I will, except for very few, general topic ones. I was always for my blue period (Lilo and Stich)

4. Opinions. Yep, this one is mine alone, although I have met a few who share some of the same views. Here, I share some similar views wif Jun and Ifran.

5. My artistic (or rather non artistic) flair. Haha.. I shared this with sir Jo the other day, mentioning that I am not really in the creative process, more on the technical stuff. Guess, when you love to take things apart as a kid, you should be doing engineering, not human sciences. I don't really know why I am here yet. Still got stuff to figure out. I suppose this also goes to my next point, which is...

6. Science... Science... Science. Yep, I love science. I just hate the calculation part. I am totally interested in how the Earth moves, how life begins, how things works.. all the hows and whys I can ask, and hopefully be answered in due time. Talk about being a nerd. Goes wif the glasses though.

7. My alone time. Yep, everyone have their moments. Being able to predict them is somewhat scary yet helpful.

8. Tomboy. Yep, I have to admit, I was a so-called one. I don't really admit to it, coz I never really wanted to be a boy, just wanted to do everything that boys can. Climbing trees, jumping off ledges, playing footie and beating the boys team, being good in electronics and woods workshop. Not so much of the Girl Power crap, I just love being rough. Must be in the genes somewhere. Hey, people in NASA, when you find out, just holler me, aite!

9. Freedom. Yep I cherish this the most. No one can control me or take away this part which keeps me sane and alive. Which means... I do what I wanna do, and you can't stop me. And I will take responsibility of the consequences, good or bad.

Ok... here's to another session of Mumbles and Grumbles... Start with some issues, ends with a totally non-connected topic. Yep, and people think they got me figured out. HAH! In your face!
PLrtttTTT... =P

Monday, January 3, 2011

Bye-bye 2010.. Hello 2011..

You know, I didn't want to write anything for the new years and stuff, but since reading 3 posts, all by my lovely, adorable, caring, sometimes nagging friends.. I didn't want to be left out.. Miera, Waji.. you both have made 2010 a year to remember by for a very long time... Isn't it amazing that the 3 of us quoted each other for this very reason.. Studying have never been this much fun and wacky... Thank you for trusting me and being there when i felt lost.. Thank you for accepting me with all my flaws and crazy attics. I love you both so much.

And, towards the very end of 2010, my 'adik' a.k.a Ahmad Ramzani Mohd Salleh was finally solemnized with his long time love interest, and my former roommate, Norpadilah Mahsori. I pray that they will happily build a paradise on this Earth, and be together till the end, and the Hereafter. I have a lot of fond memories with them, especially with adik... and I will treasure those moments.. skang dah laki orang, so xleh la kaco memalam.. hehehheheee...

Anyway, 2010 was a great year. So many fond memories, so many new and exciting experiances and new friendships were made... I pray that 2011 will bring us all closer, and that He blesses all of us with His Grace, Love and Mercy... For Him I live, and to Him I will return. Amin.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Something to ponder upon...

In my last post, at the end, I mentioned that there was another thing that happened during the year. Several in fact.

First, Pak Long passed away during the second week of Ramadhan. It was shock to all the family, but Paksu did mention to Mak that he may not make it to this raya. So raya was a bit mellow, but with the children around, it was cheerful enough.

On the lighter scale, Abg Salahuddin got married and Mu'az had a daughter. So did Abg Munir and Abg Ji had a son. Kak Ijah got married again, so now Adam has a new 'abah'. They look so cute together, and I am truly happy for them.

The final thing that happened, and this set me back a few notch, was when Bapak was admitted to the hospital. I had noticed that he had lost a lot of weight, but I only put it on the fact that he was exercising and left it at that. I found out when Mak called, the day that we were being briefed on the OIC members visiting IIUM, and the Communication dept was given the task to interview the delegates. I was chosen, along with Miera and the Practicum class to interview the guests. Of course I dropped out, and rushed to the hospital. Waji drove me, and Miera came along. It was devastating and I couldn't hold back my tears.

You know, we all have heard and seen death. We have seen people we know pass away. But the moment we had to endure it for ourselves, we realise how hard it is to face seeing the future without their presence in our lives. And as for Bapak, he is the father, the leader of the family, the ground for which we, as the family, hold on to and feel where we belong. To loose him .... To even think of loosing him... I know I have to accept it as the fact of life, but for now, I want to deny it at all cost. To say to myself that he will get better. That he will live on. But the fact remains, that he was diagnosed with liver failure, and anything to do with liver failure, it's all downhill from there. Pak Long was diagnose with the same failure.

But I guess for now, I thank Allah for giving us a heads up. For giving us time so that we can spend the remaining days together. For giving us the opportunity to rectify our ways. For showing us that there is more to US than meets the eye. So I take all the time blessed to us, and use it as wisely as possible, so that when the time comes, there will be no regrets. Please Allah, helps Us and guide Us in Our journey towards finding Your Blessing... Amin...